What to do if your wife cheated

The biggest stress for a man is the betrayal of his wife, about which he learned personally or through third parties. If a woman, after a betrayal, looks for problems in herself, comparing with a rival, a man brings down all his anger on his soul mate.

Psychologists advise determining the reasons for such an offense, and based on this, decide whether to forgive or not, what to do if the wife cheated on a friend or there are common children. You can find out more about everything in the article below.

Reasons for cheating wife

Male and female psychology differ significantly, as does the nature of the betrayal of one of the partners. To understand whether it is worth living with a cheating wife, it is important to clearly identify the reasons, provoking factors that prompted such an offense. Psychologists distinguish the following:

  1. Revenge — if you have committed such misconduct in the past, in due time, she may do the same just out of a desire for revenge.
  2. Offense — if at first you courted beautifully, complimented, and now you rarely spend time together, talk, often rest apart, this can be imprinted in her soul as a deep resentment or even disappointment.
  3. Not ready for a serious relationship — you expect from her the performance of marital duties, household chores, the birth of children, but she is not mentally ready for this. Such a frivolous approach to her family can push her wife to cheat with someone who gives her ease and does not require anything from her.
  4. Excitement — young, ambitious and adventurous girls often tend to cheat just because it is a forbidden fruit, and it is known to be sweet.
  5. Fashion for lovers — times are changing, most girlfriends have boyfriends on the side, and your wife may eventually change her attitude to such a situation, perceiving it as the norm.
  6. Reproaches and suspicions — if you brought down on her constant attacks of jealousy, accusations of treason, even if it is unreasonable, eventually, she can do it out of spite.
  7. Cheating in past relationships — if she also had infidelities with a previous partner, a similar scenario may repeat with you.
  8. Fear of being alone — if she doubts you, feels the danger of a divorce, then she may look for a fallback option.
  9. Love — no one is immune from random meetings, leading to the emergence of new strong feelings. It is they who push even the most honest and conscientious people to such misdeeds.

The question will be relevant, if the wife cheated on her husband, will she still cheat, what is the probability of this? If you are the cause, your misdeeds and no changes are observed, but on the contrary, the situation is only getting worse, a woman can take such a step again. But the likelihood of maintaining the relationship will be scanty, as well as the possibility of changes on both sides.

What if the wife cheated

If you find out about the fact of infidelity, how to treat it, welcome or condemn, it’s up to you. The reaction largely depends on the causes, as well as the circumstances of the betrayal itself. For example, if this happened accidentally while intoxicated against the background of resentment against her husband, it will be difficult to forgive, but possible. And if the wife cheated with a friend, what to do in such a situation?

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Do the following:

  • emotions under control — give yourself time to «digest» new information about the betrayal of two loved ones at once, do not make decisions in the heat of the moment;
  • balanced dialogue — talk calmly, seriously with your wife, find out her motives, try to understand what she was guided by;
  • understanding feelings — sort out your feelings, how dear the family is, whether a divorce is appropriate, whether you can imagine your future life without it;
  • no friendship — after such an offense, one can only say exactly that there can be no talk of any friendship with a man who slept with your wife;
  • no revenge, aggression — give up even the thought of cheating on her to spite her, try not to show rudeness, aggression towards her, no matter how much it hurts you from her misconduct.

Another difficult situation that makes it difficult to decide is the betrayal of a wife, with whom you have joint children. It is they who most often become the main reason for forgiveness, the preservation of marriage. But not always attempts to forgive for the child lead to the establishment of relationships. Even worse, if such situations are repeated in front of the child.

You need, if possible, to isolate children from an unpleasant event that destroys the family. In no case, do not try to drag them to your side, setting them against their mother. The child’s psyche is unable to adequately experience the fact that the parents are unfaithful, all this will negatively affect their future fate.

What to do if the wife does not admit to cheating

If you are sure of the fact of betrayal, but the spouse is not recognized, there are many ways to catch her. For example:

  1. By phone. A hint may be to set a password, although it has never been there before. If she does not part with the gadget, checks the messages, goes to another room to talk, chats and smiles at the same time.
  2. Via computer. You can see the history of correspondence, which accounts she visits on social networks. If the passwords are saved in the browser, you can go to her page and read the correspondence.
  3. Through other modern technologies. A recording device (voice recorder, hidden video camera, video recorder, various tracking devices) will help in exposing.
  4. Shooting. If you suspected her that she would meet with her admirers, in extreme cases, you can follow it yourself. For example, to see where she goes after work. Or you can supposedly go on a business trip, and set up surveillance of your home yourself, who will come to you.
  5. In dialogue. If you bring her to the topic in hidden ways, catch her in disagreement, where she was, who she met, why she came home late, you can catch her in a lie.

When should you divorce your wife?

If you have strong feelings that have not diminished even after such an offense, the thought that you will break up will cause more pain than about her betrayal. But if you can’t even get close to her, be close, touch, communicate normally, you should think about further living together.

Forgiveness is by no means impossible for several reasons:

  • friends, relatives, neighbors and other mutual acquaintances who have leaked such unpleasant information will regularly be reminded of treason;
  • forgiveness will cost you a sense of self-sufficiency, self-respect, and everyone around you will consider you a spineless henpecked;
  • children will know about infidelity for the mother, taking one of the parties, and feeling contempt and disrespect for the other;
  • betrayals not only do not stop, but over time become obvious to you and the people around you;
  • the wife was not only unfaithful, but also became pregnant by her lover;
  • she no longer wants to give birth to children from you, and in case of pregnancy, she is ready for an abortion;
  • she loves another man, staying married because of convenience, habit, etc.

Forgiveness is possible if the spouse repents of her deed, literally begging for a second chance. And if further relations with her do not become a big blow to self-esteem, self-sufficiency.

How to behave if the wife confesses and repents

The generally accepted stereotype that forgiving infidelity is not always appropriate. If the betrayal happened once for obvious reasons, and the spouse sincerely repents and admits her mistake herself, it is worth going to meet her. How can you do it:

  • accept her remorse;
  • give an opportunity to justify;
  • put the relationship on pause instead of wanting to leave;
  • not show aggression, anger or resentment towards her;
  • give a chance and expect responses;
  • find flaws in yourself, correct;
  • rebuild relationships.

How to talk to her in case of recognition? Try to be indifferent, calm, suppress all negative emotions, anger. Give up reproaches, accusations, you can honestly say about your pain and feelings that were caused by her misconduct. There should not be any scandals, screams, offensive words in your dialogue.

What not to do and how to avoid mistakes

Violation of the rules of constructive communication leads to an aggravation of the situation. To prevent this, give up the typical mistakes of men who have been betrayed:

  • threats — because of the pain caused by the beloved woman, many threaten her with retribution in the same coin, which is fundamentally wrong if you want to save the marriage;
  • revenge — reciprocal betrayal will not only not alleviate your condition, but will forever put an end to marriage;
  • persuasion — if she continues to communicate with her lover, you should not persuade her to break up with him, it is better to leave yourself;
  • blame yourself — no need to humiliate yourself by comparing yourself with the lover to whom she preferred;
  • only blame her — few women go to the side only out of lust, in 90% of cases the wrong behavior of the husband pushes this; therefore both are always to blame for infidelity.
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You should not make rash decisions in a fit of anger, show aggression or even violence to pay for the pain caused. And even more so, you don’t need to find out who her lover is, the details of the relationship, what makes him good, etc.

Behavior After Forgiving Your Wife

If you have definitely decided to forgive your spouse, then the relationship must undergo dramatic changes. What experts advise:

  • forgive, forget, let go — try to erase such a past completely from your memory, never remember during quarrels and misunderstandings;
  • to reconcile — admit mutual guilt that the relationship has reached such a crisis, express all claims to each other once to repent, and then not return to this topic;
  • change the relationship format — you can live a happy life together only in a new relationship, indicate for each other what you would like to change in a partner;
  • reunite — fasten the unspoken world with new emotions, for this, bring romance, passion, establish an intimate sphere.

Loyalty and trust cannot be restored immediately, it will take a long time. To prevent betrayal, each partner must work on himself, eradicating shortcomings.

Psychologists’ advice

Everyone makes mistakes, according to statistics, about 40% of marriages face betrayal, and only 10% of them do not break up. The advice and recommendations of psychologists can help in such a difficult period:

  1. Try to treat the situation as rationally as possible, as if it happened to someone you know. Drop emotions, analyze everything.
  2. Learn to determine not only her, but also your guilt in what you have done. Surely, not from a good life, she went to the side.
  3. Think about whether you can forget such a past, building further relationships with your soulmate. If you are a vindictive person who knows how to harbor grievances for years, there is little chance of saving a marriage.
  4. Imagine that you are a traitor. Try to understand what motivated her. If you can at least partially justify within yourself, this is a good sign.
  5. Write down for yourself all the pros and cons of wanting to get a divorce and forgive your partner. This will show which solution would be appropriate.


Thanks to the recommendations of experts on how to act in such a difficult situation, men will surely be able to find the right ways to solve the problem. Remember that it is difficult to remain faithful for a long time, especially if the couple has problems. Honest dialogue, self-improvement, balanced decisions and actions will help you find the right path.

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