According to the latest statistics, 63% of divorce cases are initiated by women. Because of this, many men have to go through difficult times, thinking about what led to such a disappointing outcome. The situation is aggravated if the family has common children or when she leaves for another man.
In the presence of love, a logical question arises, how to survive a divorce from your wife as painfully as possible. The article will provide practical recommendations from psychologists on how to cope with a difficult period, and then start a new life, avoiding previous mistakes.
How to break up with your wife easily and painlessly
The most painful and controversial will always be questions relating to the institution of the family. The reasons for the collapse of marriages are diverse, and in each individual case are radically different. But here are the methods of how to painfully divorce your wife, psychologists come down to general rules:
- Do not rush to create new relationships artificially. You can find a person who is close in spirit, even if it is a girl. But do not rush to rush into the pool with your head, romance. In order for the next attempt to build a relationship to be successful, analyze your experience, experience all emotions, cool down.
- Concentrate on self-improvement. If your wife left you, then there were good reasons for that. It is good if a frank conversation develops between you, where you are aware of your disadvantages. Based on this, work on yourself, change externally, internally. Rethink your priorities in life, reach new heights.
- Keep in touch with children. No matter how many women you meet on your way, the most important thing is children. Even being angry at the wife who left, try to abstract from the situation by communicating with the child. You are still responsible morally and materially to them.
- Don't get locked up. To painlessly perceive such information, you can share it with a loved one or even visit a psychologist. The specialist will help you find the advantages of the new state of affairs, and friends will provide support and assistance.
- Try to understand your wife. Remember that leaving a marriage is stressful not only for you, but also for her. Few people act so drastically without good reasons. Maybe she has feelings for another man, marriage has become too painful for her, or she has simply outgrown you. She is the same person and has the right to manage her life.
How to survive a divorce from your wife
Most often, a man who turns to a specialist for help comes with the question “I divorced my wife, it's hard for me, what should I do?”. Recommendations will depend on the circumstances in which the wife announced the divorce. It is most difficult for a man if he still has feelings for his wife, has children in common, and also when she left for another man. Let's take a closer look at each case.
If there are still feelings
It is difficult to divorce a woman for whom there are feelings, love and emotional attachment. To begin with, you should find for yourself any business to which you can transfer your attention as much as possible. Then follow these simple tips:
- try to establish a connection with reality, that is, push raging emotions into the background, clearly feel the natural state of affairs;
- identify the needs that your personality needs. That is, find people who could become emotional nourishment, support for you instead of a wife, who you can trust;
- find factors of psychological vulnerability, any annoyances that remind you of marriage or the reasons for its collapse, get rid of them;
- give up feelings of regret, this will help the search for all the advantages of your new marital status;
- set new goals that you will achieve, think over a mode of independent living that is comfortable for you.
The best way to deal with negative thoughts and depression is sports. It strengthens the strength of the spirit, will, faith in oneself. When analyzing what led to the destruction of a marriage, adequately perceive your guilt, but do not engage in self-flagellation. Knowing your weaknesses, work on correcting them.
If there are children
Another relevant request at the psychologist's appointment is “I broke up with my wife, how to survive a difficult period if there are common children.” In most cases, the child stays with his mother, and because of the negative scenario of divorce, the relationship with the father is greatly weakened. Remember that first, the breakup of a family is stressful for children, no matter how old they are.
Even a beloved wife can be forgotten over time, and the children will forever be yours. Stick to simple rules:
- Resolve any financial issues. Do not give in to anger and resentment, remember that your child still needs custody and financial assistance from both parents.
- Make an appointment with your child. Offer the most comfortable scenario for meeting with the child for everyone, offer assistance in visiting the kindergarten / school / sections. The more you take part in the upbringing, the less traumatic your absence will be for the child.
- Don't turn the child against the mother. He does not need to know what problems in marriage led to a divorce, who was the initiator. For him, you are a beloved dad exactly as much as a beloved mother. Show respect to your ex-wife.
Try to communicate frankly with your child, explaining that no one is immune from divorce. But whatever happens, it will not affect your relationship in any way.
If she went to another
It's one thing to put up with the fact that you broke up with your spouse, it's another to realize that she lives with another man. Try to accept the fact that this woman is no longer yours, which means that she has the right to love, to have her own personal life. Parting and leaving for another man will be easier to experience if:
- break any bonds that bind you, do not sort things out, do not be interested in her new personal life;
- entirely change the situation, go somewhere to relax, move to a new apartment or at least make repairs, find new hobbies so that nothing reminds of the old life;
- try to communicate more with different people, protect yourself from bad habits, get emotions from different people;
- improve yourself so that a woman's departure for another man does not affect your self-esteem, do not compare yourself with him, change yourself outside and inside;
- achieve new goals, it supports perfectly self-confidence, motivates for further growth.
If your wife started a relationship with another man while still married to you, try to forgive her. Your main task is not to get angry at the entire female gender, as is often the case. Make every effort to rid yourself of memories, negative emotions.
What to do after the wife leaves and how to start a new life
Starting a new life is not an easy task for you, your ex-wife, son or daughter. Everyone will have to build a new life from scratch. For men, psychologists recommend the following steps towards this:
- Find the positives of such a difficult situation. Surely, a free life will open up many new opportunities for you. Or maybe you have limited yourself in some way? Now you don't have to.
- Get rid of the memories. Start life from scratch. Getting rid of various photos, gifts, things that are associated with the ex-wife helps a lot. You can throw it away or burn it, some emotions and feelings will definitely go away with them.
- Write down plans for the future. Get rid of the uncertainty of the future. Think about what you would like to change. It helps repair, sports, new hobbies and hobbies.
- Forgive and let go. Understand that most likely you could not make her truly happy, which is why she preferred leaving or another man. Realize your mistakes, wish her happiness with a new gentleman. Surely, the thought that she will live poorly all her life will not alleviate your suffering.
How to Avoid Mistakes After Your Wife Leaves
After a divorce from his wife, most men in a fit of anger, resentment and disappointment make various mistakes. To prevent them, you need to know them in advance. Here are a few of the most common:
- Against the background of stress and worries, a man is protected from friends and relatives. Being engaged in self-flagellation, one can lead to the development of a feeling of pity for oneself, which develops depression, complexes, and self-doubt.
- Complete focus on problems. All this will have a bad effect on the working capacity, moral and physical condition of a man. Guys are also prone to analysis, winding up negative thoughts, just like girls. In the event of a divorce, it is better to refuse this.
- Intentional provocation of the spouse to enter into conflicts with her. If it is difficult for a man to deal with negative emotions, he can bring them down on the culprit, every time he meets her. The situation is aggravated when the former married couple have common children. They become a bargaining chip and suffer from the hostility of their parents to each other.
- Hasty new relationship. Trying to prove her own importance, especially if a woman has gone to another man, her ex-husband makes a big mistake. First you need to get rid of any feelings and emotions from the past relationship, relax, work on yourself, and only then build new relationships.
To adequately endure the dissolution of a marriage at the initiative of the spouse, listen to a few general recommendations from psychologists:
- try to build neutral or friendly communication with your wife, especially if you have children;
- spend time with friends and loved ones, they will help you survive betrayal and other difficult situations that led to a divorce;
- realize goals, life tasks, do not put an end to your future, career, various hobbies;
- give yourself time to rest and calm down, visit interesting places, travel, all this will help fill your spiritual emptiness with new positive emotions;
- spend more time with children, be interested in their morale, success, invest in children upbringing and values, not money.
If a separation occurs during pregnancy, it is most common in young couples. The reason for this may be the unwillingness of the guy to bear responsibility, the lack of deep feelings in the girl. It is critical for a pregnant woman to protect herself from negative emotions, so the breakup should be calm on both sides. Remember that one closed door opens up many new ones that need to be opened.